The Magic of an Ordinary Day

September 1st

We will know on that day whether or not we will have another child in this family.  If we do not have a referral from Vietnam by then, they will close our file and return it to the United States.

The whole process, the irregularities in it and the United States Embassy statement are described well here.  I don't have the mental energy to summarize it now.  I'm just bereft of feelings... wanting to hope for the best, but having a feeling that this just isn't going to happen for us.  I'm just in this numb state of limbo. 

The fact that children are languishing in orphanages when they could have a loving family because of politics and greed sickens me.  The amount of money involved with this business is disgusting, and we're with an agency that doesn't bribe people and buy babies. 

If this doesn't work out, I'm done.  I don't have the emotional energy to do this again. 

Happy St. Patrick's day

And Happy Anniversary to us!  Three years ago, on March 17, 2005 at 11:13 in the morning we received a referral for the little baby girl who became our daughter, Hannah.  Here's the photo we received:

And here she is now:

She's such a comedic handful.  Even when she's being a bit of a stinker, she's (usually) always amusing.

And to honor my Irish heritage on this day, I found this little Irish Blessing that I thought was very cool:

Always remember to forget
The things that made you sad.
But never forget to remember
The things that made you glad.

Always remember to forget
The friends that proved untrue.
But never forget to remember
Those that have stuck by you.

Always remember to forget
The troubles that passed away.
But never forget to remember
The blessings that come each day.

Have a great day, everyone!!

Bad news of the week (courtesy of Vietnam)

We got some not so great news from our adoption agency yesterday.

The bilateral agreement between Vietnam and the US was not renegotiated by it's due date of February 29th.  That means the current agreement will expire (and along with it the adoption program) on September 1st.  Well, right now they are calling it an "interruption" in the program, but we all know what it means. 

The US Department of State is urging the Vietnamese officials to let those currently in the program to complete their adoptions (that would be us since our dossier has been sitting in Vietnam  since December) but there are no guarantees.  We -- meaning the United States -- are not the ones in control here.

It's entirely possible -- no probable -- that we won't be able to adopt again.  That we'll just have to be happy with the blessing we already have.  That maybe we just aren't meant to have another child.  That I just waited to long in my life to become a mother, and having tricked father time once...well, it's just not going to happen again.

We are both heartbroken at the news.  We had hoped that an understanding could be reached in time, and that we would be able to bring baby Sean home next spring. 

So we're just carrying on with this empty feeling in the pit of our stomachs.  We are going to the Grand Canyon for three days -- a trip I planned in December so that we wouldn't be sitting around moping on what would have been Dick's 70th birthday (which is tomorrow).  Great timing on that anniversary.

We are determined to get away and have fun, but we'll have to see how it goes.  I want Mom and Hannah to have a good time, so I'll just put on the happy face and go on with things.  There's nothing else to do, really.

back on the roller coaster

The US State department has issued warnings regarding adoptions from Vietnam.  (Details can be found HERE.)  Our agency has emailed us and informed us of the warning, and basically we are all waiting to see if the US government and VN government will draft an agreement that will continue adoptions between the two countries.  If an agreement isn't reached, there are a couple of pretty unattractive options, including trying to wait it out and see if adoptions would resume between the countries (while all our paperwork outdates), abandoning the adoption (and the close to $7 grand we have put into it) and trying to change to another country---with new fees and paperwork, of course, and abandoning the adoption all together. 

I am starting to wonder if I am just banging my head against a wall.  That maybe that Hannah is such a tremendous gift that I don't get another.  That maybe I'm just not ever meant to have another child.  It's all very sad, and nerve-wracking, and unfair.  Especially to those poor kids sitting around it a shared crib while politicians decide whether or not they will have a permanent home with people who want to be their parents.

And, while I'm ranting, I'm just going to say that if I ever hear some misinformed bimbo tell me (while complaining about how she can't wear a bikini anymore or how their boobs sag after nursing their children) that I am doing it "the easy way"...I swear, there will be physical violence.  And I mean it.

So now we are waiting to see if all our hard work, if having our lives, finances  and medical histories turned inside out for the viewing of bureaucrats on two continents to judge will actually bring us a child.  I'm sad, and angry and just exhausted from the emotional toll this has taken on us. 

I just don't know what to think anymore, and what to expect. 

Vietnam or bust

Our dossier documents have made their way around the country and will be sent to Vietnam tomorrow.

We got our Christmas present early this year.

Wooot!!

overwhelmed

I am just so overwhelmed today by all the paperwork, notarization, couriers, creating fedex accounts, checks, money orders, Embassies, phone calls, emails...  I had a major breakdown today and just cried about all this shit we have to go through.

Well, it was actually two breakdowns.  But in my defense, it was two separate issues several hours apart.  And I woke up with a migraine, which never helps me be centered and efficient.  Or emotionally stable.

I think I got all my phone calls and emails done today, and tomorrow I'll finish typing up the affidavits and cover letters I need.  And write a few more checks. 

But I'm going to hang it up for the day.  And maybe start drinking.

great news!

Katherine called from Adoptions Plus (our homestudy agency).  The USCIS has approved our immigration application.  This is the last piece of paperwork we need to complete our Dossier to Vietnam!!!  I am so thrilled!!

So it looks like I'm going to Santa Fe this week for state certification and then hopefully things will be in the works at the Vietnam Embassy while we are on vacation. 

Woooohoooo!!!

Adoption woes

The US Embassy in Vietnam has issued this statement. Apparently, the irregularities in the Phu Tho and Thai Nguyen provinces cause the officials to issue a Notice of Intent to Deny (NOID) for the orphan petition and exit visas of these children until the fact that they have been abandoned or placed for adoption is verified. There are several couples (the numbers I heard was anywhere from 5-20) right now in Vietnam who have thought they were returning home with their babies but who are instead waiting for an investigation into whether that baby was bought or stolen by an unscrupulous or corrupt individual (or public official).  And if the babies weren't legally placed for adoption...I guess they are going home without a baby.

Corruption, baby buying, unethical agencies bribing Vietnamese officials so that their clients get babies fast...it all just makes my stomach turn.  The Vietnam adoption program was shut down for several years for this sort of problem, and when it reopened they had supposedly cleaned house. 

I feel sad for those parents, but I also have to say that when you are researching an international adoption, especially in a country like Vietnam that had a history of corruption problems you have to be careful when you are choosing an agency.  You have to make sure that your agency is above-board and completely transparent as to what the process is.  We chose Pearl S. Buck International because they had been around for a long time, and had done humanitarian work all over the world, but specifically in Vietnam since 1971.  Knowing that our child was legally placed was very important to us.  And since Pearl S. Buck doesn't deal with the provinces in question, we should be okay.  Pearl S. Buck did withdraw from dealings with another orphanage in Ho Chi Minh City because of "competition" for babies could lead to unethical practices. 

When I first started researching adoptions from Vietnam, I was solicited by agencies (they contacted me via e-mail from a Yahoo group of potential adoptive parents).  Red flag.  They told me there would be no waiting for a healthy infant.  HUGE red flag.  Of course, I wanted nothing to do with those people, and I have a hard time understanding how other's could associate with them. 

I mean, when every other reputable agency tells you it's a 6 month wait, by what other means than suspicious ones could you possibly promise a baby right away?  Don't get me wrong, I want another child as much as the next person but I'm not going to compromise my integrity or victimize this child's mother.  This whole thing just disgusts me.  Can people really be that desperate and stupid that they can't see through these agencies?  Do they not care who they have to run over to get a baby?

We are just hoping that this fiasco doesn't shut down the whole country to international adoption.  That would really suck. 

progress!

We have now officially collected all the documents we need for our Vietnam dossier!!! 

I am so excited to have this almost done.  There is a bunch of things to notarize, then we must send everything to the Secretary of State for certification (to certify that our notary really is a notary) then it goes to the Vietnamese Embassy in Washington DC for authentication (to authenticate that our Secretary of State really is our Secretary of State).  Did you get all that?  Actually, it's MUCH easier this time around.  A less involved dossier also means less cost.  Because of course it costs you anywhere from $3 to $50 per document to get this done.  $70 per document for expedited service, please. 

The last bit of business for our Homestudy is coming up, too.  Our home visit is on Friday.  I'm not as nervous this time around as I was last time.  Last time we had a home visit I alphabetized my spice rack.  And if you've seen my spice rack, you'd know it is no easy job.  Our social worker, Nikki, is nice and doesn't do a white glove test, just makes sure you have enough room for the child, working smoke alarms and CO2 detectors, toxic chemicals are out of reach, firearms locked up, fire extinguishers in appropriate places, safe yard, safe pets, etc.  (Speaking of safe pets, we are taking all three dogs to get their shots at the same time next week.  That should be fun.)  Nikki's pregnant and due in two weeks so I figure she'll want to bust out our report as soon as she gets home on Friday. 

I also decided that this would be a good time to do some painting, since we are having Dwayne's 40th birthday party on Saturday.  (I still have some tricks up my sleeve for that one, too!!)  So I painted the hallway a color called "aged parchment" that looks either a soft green or yellow depending on the light.  Nice paint job, it really lightened up the hallway especially with the--count them--five five paneled doors I painted in the trim color.  It took me almost the whole weekend to do the painting, mostly because I was trying to watch Hannah at the same time.  Well, to be honest, PBS spent a fair amount of time watching Hannah, too. 

I also shampooed the carpets on Friday.  I was hoping to make the current carpets look good.  Have I ranted about these carpets yet?  White carpeting in a house with six children who apparently like cherry Kool Aid and ink?  One phrase describes my success with the carpets: you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear.  So true, so true.

So we have got a huge shopping trip ahead of us---food for the party, margarita mix, etc. and a bunch of cleaning left to do.  I'll be pretty tied up for the next few days, but hope to have some party pictures soon!

Here's a photo of that green/yellow hallway of ours.  It was this horrible industrial shiny beige  with dark wood trim before.  Yuck.

Part 1: done!

Today we mailed the thick "application" packet to Pearl S. Buck.  It is quite an involved application which includes medical clearances for all of us, financial statements, tax records, police clearances, certified copies of marriage license, divorce decrees, birth certificate, signed and notarized agreements regarding fee schedules, discipline, risks of adopting internationally and finally a 10-page autobiography each of us had to do.  I think there's more stuff in there, but I can't remember right now.  Whew!!!

Thankfully, the dossier is actually quite brief compared to the application.  Things are different than the China adoption.

Hannah is excited, too.  She keeps asking when we are going to get "Copper."  I just have this gut feeling that we are going to pick out this beautiful name for our son---Sean Richard Bean---and will end up calling him Copper for the rest of his life.  Hmmm....Copper Bean.  I've got to think about that.  It can't be any worse than Cooney ;)

happy family photo

As one of the last things for our Vietnam Adoption application, we need to send in photos.  I call this our happy family photo...

home sweet home

I had to take some pictures for our Adoption application yesterday (house from the outside, house from the inside, family in the house, etc) and I thought my garden was looking quite spiffy so I took the photo from the back of it.  Actually, we have so many trees it's hard to take a "house from the outside" photo from anywhere else. 

The Adoption Application paperwork is almost complete!  This Vietnamese adoption had a different process altogether---a lengthy "application" with a smaller dossier.  We are currently waiting for our child abuse/criminal history checks to come back from Santa Fe and then we can complete our homestudy and start our Immigration paperwork. 

It may seem odd to anyone who hasn't done it, but paperwork is exhausting.  Get this person to write this letter, get friends to write references, sign here, fingerprint there, notarize this, that and the other.  Whew.  I'll be glad when it is over with. 

It is totally worth it, I know.  I just have to look at Hannah for all the reassurance I need that we are doing the right thing.  She is so precious, and we are so lucky to have her.  I'm sure our son will give us the same joy. 

THIRD!!!

Third on the list.  The waiting list at our adoption agency, that is. 

Once we are at the top of the list (which Amy our adoption coordinator says should happen within three months) the steps are:

1. complete dossier.  It looks more streamlined than China.  (estimated time 3-4 months)

2.  wait for a match.  (estimated time 2-6 months).

3. wait for travel approval (estimated time 2-6 months).

4. go to Vietnam and get our son.

Pearl S. Buck International just entered a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) with Khanh Hoa Province Vietnam to provide both adoption and humanitarian services!  This is huge because --unlike China, which centralizes their adoptions through a government agency -- Vietnam agencies contract with specific orphanages. No other agencies are licensed in the Khanh Hoa province at this time, which will hopefully mean more orphans placed with permanent homes and quicker match times for their waiting parents!

Happy, happy day.

Adoption News

Well, there's been a huge shakeup in our adoption plans. 

Without going into detail, I'm just going to say that we will not be adopting from China due to some changes on the China side.   

We are looking into different possibilities,  and the people at Adoptions Plus (our local homestudy agency) are assisting us with our options.  It's been an emotionally draining week having all our plans crumble around us and having to rebuild. 

We are trying to be positive, and realize that this is a big world.  There's a child out there for us somewhere.

Wish us luck. 

Progress

I finally got started on our Dossier for Maggie's adoption today.  It's a daunting pile of paperwork, and most things need to be not only completed, but notarized, certified (the Secretary of State for that particular Notary must certify the genuineness of their commission) and then Authenticated by the Chinese Consulate.  And since we have documents coming from Minnesota, California and New Mexico they must all go to different Secretaries of State and then to different Consulates.  (The Chinese Consulates are broken up into "zones" that serve different parts of the country.  And, yup, the states we need to deal with are in three different zones.)

What I completed today was:

• Ordered birth certificates from Minnesota and California.  A separate notarized request must be sent in for them to be processed, however.
• Drafted our Adoption Petition.  I need some numbers to plug in there yet, then we must notarize them when we sign.
• Drafted our Employment verification letters.  I basically write the letter (since I know what if must contain) turn it into my boss, where she gets it typed up on company letterhead and she signs it.  It then has to get notarized.
• Drafted our financial statement.  Again, a few numbers need to be plugged in, then we get it notarized when we sign it. 
• MD letters and physical exam forms should be coming to us soon, since we had our blood drawn last week for the required blood tests, which include blood counts, urinalysis, hepatitis B and HIV tests.   

And note that anything that is notarized must then be Certified and Authenticated as well.  And you know that each Certification/Authentication has a fee of $7-$20 per document, right?  Plus outgoing and return certified mail postage.

If it seems like a lot (in time and money)... yes it is!   And I'm just getting warmed up.  We haven't even started the Homestudy or INS portion of the paperwork. 

But I am satisfied with my progress today.  I was able to complete so much thanks to our friend Paula who gave us a Dora the Explorer playhouse that her girls had outgrown.  Dwayne brought it home from work with him this morning and it's wonderful!  Hannah played with it all morning.  Thanks, Paula!!!

the paper chase

You never know what's going to interrupt a potty session. 

I was helping Hannah get cleaned up when the phone rang.  It was Kathi from CCAI telling me that our adoption application had been approved, and that we were approved for a child less than 12 months old.  I was then directed to download my packet, complete the fee agreement, sign and notarize the documents and send them back to them (with $1500 ) and we're ready to roll. 

I'd better start working more.  We've been doing so much on the house we don't have that cushy savings account we had when we were doing the dossier for Hannah's adoption.   Every time you turn around, someone needs a couple of hundred bucks from you.   The tax credit you get the year the adoption is completed is nice, but it's a nickel and dime thing for awhile.  That's okay, we'll just keep a positive attitude and know that Maggie will be worth so much more than money!  That thought kept me sane through Hannah's adoption. 

We're back to what is (not so affectionately) known in the adoption community as the paper chase. 

Surprisingly enough, when I hung up the phone I was quite choked up.  I knew we'd be accepted again, I had planned on it and told family and friends that we were adopting again, but when I heard the words Congratulations, you've been approved to adopt a baby I was overcome.  Those words made it real for me, even though it will be 18-24 months before we can bring our baby home. 

I told Hannah she was going to be getting a baby sister and she said "Big truck.  Couple of weeks."   (We told her that her big girl bed is coming in a couple of weeks on a big truck, and she's been asking about it every day. )  I had to laugh.   

our next project

Operation Maggie.