The Magic of an Ordinary Day

The new bike

It's really past time that Hannah got a proper trike.  She got this cute plastic convertible toddler trike but Kirby ate it awhile back. And our driveway (and everyone else's driveway around here) is gravel and has a significant downslope where it dumps you out on a road. 

So we've been bad parents and poor Hannah has been trike-less so far.

Yesterday we remedied it with a beautiful Radio Flyer classic. 

Just look at this beauty.  I love that I (along with various cousins and siblings) rode a trike almost exactly like this one in my youth. 

skittle toes

Hannah got skittle toes today.  Then she read a book while they dried and ate a piece of chocolate.  I thought she could start working on some grown-up woman coping mechanisms.  It's the least I could do for her since she has to spend the day with her cranky-ass migraine suffering Mama today.

Why skittle toes?  Because mine are painted red, and she thinks they look like little red skittles. 

a child's life

...is all about playing.  and trying to get out of taking naps.

The swing/slide is from our neighbors, whose teenage children no longer use it.  Dwayne moved it over yesterday and Hannah is loving it!!

Grandpa Awesome

That is what Hannah calls Dwayne's dad, Grandpa Awesome.  It's so cute.

Here's Grandpa and Hannah...

Another week at Casa Frijole

Hmm, let's see what we did this week.  The days and weeks fly by so fast!

I flew a patient to Lubbock TX.  He needed a neurosurgeon and either there were no neurosurgeons in Albuquerque who could accept him as a patient or there were no critical care beds in Albuquerque for him. New Mexico is horribly short of neurosurgeons, so I will suspect it was the former.  For a change, it was a non-eventful, normal flight.  Except that I was called at 1 a.m. and had to roll out of bed and be on the road in 10 minutes.  Thank goodness for the company issued baseball cap.

I certified in NRP at Medflight this week.  With our increase in transport of high-risk obstetric patients, I guess we need to know what to do if we birth a high-risk baby at 35,000 feet. 

I was sooooo stressed about this class.  Having not seen a newborn  -- fresh from the oven as it were -- since nursing school, much less a limp non-breathing baby I was just freaking out about it.  Thankfully, I had a work colleague and my brother Al to help peel me off the ceiling and I did just fine and am now certified to resuscitate a newborn. 

But if it's your newborn, I'd look around for someone else to do it.  Just a little tip from me to you. 

I am trying to get on a critical pediatric flight as a third crew member as well.  When we get a pediatric patient, it's kind of a judgment call by the coordinator as to who to send.  There is an "adult" team and a "neonatal" team and somewhere in between is pediatrics.  Some of the nurses have peds experience, and of course, the medics are all very well rounded as far as their experience.  I'd like to be doing peds but I'd also like to observe a peds flight before I have one of my own.

We found out that Jake has a a hypothyroid.  He had been panting so much and he looked a little chunky so we took him in for blood work.  So a couple of pills a day and he's good to go.  The panting has decreased and hopefully he'll lose that 5 pounds he packed on over the winter.

Hannah's done with school and we're going to just hang out and play until the "summer program" starts in June.  She would miss her friends too much if she wasn't getting to see them.  Summer program is three hours a day, twice a week.  Structured play mostly, but since it is run by one of her preschool teachers they will work on things from last year.

Now that we have the summer-like dirty feet/legs/arms every night Hannah has decided she'd like to take a mini-bath in the kitchen sink at night.  It is a wonderfully deep sink so I thought "why not?" 

Note the dirty knees.

Preschool graduation

I know I'm really old, but when did this all start?  Everything has a graduation.  What happened to "it's June 5th, kid, see you in three months"?

So we all went to the little Lutheran preschool where she goes.  We went to the Chapel so the kids could sing their songs and get their diplomas.  So all the kids are singing their Jesus songs (complete with exuberant arm movements) and my Heathen child is just standing there -- not singing or participating in any way.  Except to occasionally lift her dress up and show off her panties.  I was busy making frantic hand signals to her to pull your dress down! and looking for a rock to climb under. 

Sigh.  It's always the quiet ones that get you, huh?  One of the Moms was talking to us about vacation bible school for her this summer, and I'm starting to think she needs it.

They let her graduate anyway (although I'm sure she won't be able to pull that stunt when she's 16) and I have to say she looked cute as a button. 

Random post

Just some randomness from the last week...

• Anything can happen when you live in the country.  Like spending part of your morning trying to catch two horses, find out where they live, and return them to their owners.  When you don't know anything about horses.
• My neighbor Randy, fortunately, knows a little bit about everything.
• One hour in the Dallas climate reminded me as to why I moved from the Midwest: 30 years of having one continuous bad hair day.
• In our continual effort to "go greener" we have decided to get weekly organic produce from Los Poblanos.  They deliver it to a place less than a mile from our house, so we can both reduce our gas consumption and food miles.
• I took a fetal heart monitoring class at Med Flight.  I have spent my nursing career avoiding obstetrics (and doing a damn fine job, I might add) but now transporting high-risk obstetric patients is in my immediate future.  Has someone written an "Obstetrics for Dummies" book?  I need a better plan, which right now is to tell them to cross their legs, we'll be at Women's Hospital in 45 minutes.  Not a great plan, I know.
• My Grandmother suffered from a stroke last week and is now residing in a nursing home.  She's 98, and has lived safely by herself up to this point.  I hope I will be as healthy and independent as she has been. 
• My grandmother was a nurse, and her favorite practice was obstetrics.  I definitely didn't take after her there.
• Mom is safely back in Wisconsin and is happy to be back in her own home.
• Nearly a year after Dick's death, I'm finally able to be back in CCU and work with the physicians who cared for him without that lump in my throat.  Time healing wounds and all that. 
• I asked our pilot to fly over the Trigo Fire on Tuesday so I could look at it.  It's about 30-40 miles south of us and we have been choking on the smoke for a week.  It's just been so windy here it's been hard to contain, but they are slowly gaining ground on it. 
• Flying through the thermals around the mountains surrounding Albuquerque in a light plane is something I definately need to get used to.  I was absolutely green by the time we landed on Tuesday while the medic I was riding with was completely calm (and perhaps a bit amused by my anxiety).  But to paraphrase Tom Hanks, there's no crying in flight nursing.  It's a very macho, git 'er done kind of environment, and the last thing I want to do is look like a "girl."  I guess I'll just have to take some dramamine and suck it up.
• The lilacs are just days away from blooming, and I can't wait.  We have huge lilac trees on our property and when they bloom the whole yard smells delicious. 

So that's my week in a nutshell.  We got some adoption news yesterday which I'll share in a separate post soon. Have a great weekend, everyone!!

she doesn't miss a thing

Me: Hannah, do you want to go to the grocery store and then Walgreens with me?

Hannah: No, Mamma...that's the place where people don't have any teeth.

Me:  what?????

(I think she means WalMART)

birthday photos

Here are some photos from Hannah's birthday on Saturday.

New glasses

Hannah got her new glasses today.  She's getting used to them, and I think she looks so cute! 

Photo Friday

Life with Hannah

I thought I'd take a moment and talk about all the cute things Hannah is doing lately.  She is growing up so fast, and her mind is working all the time -- it's just delightful to watch!

Right now she is having a tea party with all her babies on the sun porch.  It has been warm enough this week to put the space heater on and let her play out there.  And, make no mistake, this is an "invitation only" party.  I popped my head in to see if she was okay and she said "Mama, can you please leave?"  This from the girl who wants to sleep with me all the time.

She has music, "tea" (water), balloons, place settings for all her babies and she is carrying on a very extensive conversation with them all.  It is so cute. She asked to eat her lunch out there with her babies so I thought...why not? 

Yesterday she came up to me and made a coughing sound while holding Woobie.  "Look!" she said "Now Woobie is sick, too!"  <Insert dramatic sigh and mad arm-waving here>"Now what am I going to do with TWO sick babies?!"  <shaking head>

She's such a drama queen.  The entertainment factor with having her around is great.

She's also into keeping all her babies in a cat carrier we got out for Mom's cat.  She wants to keep them "in the cage" and hauls this thing -- that is nearly as big as she is -- all around the house.  I've said it before, she has a promising future in the field of corrections. 

She's also counting down for her birthday.  Almost every day she asks when her birthday will be and that she wants "the Hannah sized house with the Hannah sized benches."  (There is a small wood playhouse we saw at Costco that she fell in love with.  It's actually in the back of Papa's truck, and I'm not sure we'll be able to wait until her birthday.)  At this point, her plan is to have mandarin oranges and cake and to eat it in her house.  It's so funny how she will talk about all these elaborate plans -- and in such detail!  It's so fun just to have a conversation with her. 

Oh, and the most priceless gem from the last few weeks?  She came into the bathroom right after I had taken a shower and said "Mama!  Look at that big butt you're growing!" 

I had to laugh.  It was just too funny!

Dr. Bob

We all took a trip to see Dr. Bob last week.

There is a fairly new Opthalmology practice just a couple of blocks from us so it was time for all of us to make a trip there. 

The first trip Hannah and myself went, since I needed a check-up and she had some vision issues we wanted to check out: looking too close at her work, and tilting her head when looking at the TV.  The first visit she wanted nothing to do with him and he couldn't complete her exam.  At the second visit (contact lens check for me, Lasik surgery evaluation for Dwayne) she was wonderful and cooperative and he got more done than he thought he would.  He is so good with her, and the whole staff was wonderful.  I can't remember the last time I went to a professional office where I was so impressed.

The great news is that she is totally in love with him now.  The bad news is that she'd better be since it appears she will be having a long and in-depth relationship with Dr. Bob.  Unfortunately, her right eye is very, very bad and she will be wearing glasses.  Her left eye has compensated so far, but her right eye isn't even trying to focus now -- the proverbial "lazy eye" that her Papa and Uncle Carl had.  He's hoping the glasses will correct as much as possible, but he doesn't really think he'll be able to get it to 20/20.  She's excited to get big girl glasses (just like Mama!!) and, of course, to see Dr Bob again. 

Oh, and in other not-so-great news, Dwayne isn't a candidate for Lasik and he needs further evaluation for glaucoma since his occular pressures were high. 

I feel mixed about the condition of Hannah's eyes.  On one hand, I have always hated having to wear corrective lenses and view the whole bad eyes thing as a tremendous pain in the ass.  I was hoping that, along with the fat genes, Hannah would skip the bad eye genes, too.  Of course, there are contact lenses and Lasik surgery and all those things that she will have available to her when and if she chooses them in the future.  It's not such a big deal, I guess. 

On the other hand, I can't wait for her to look through her glasses and really see the world for the first time.  Dwayne and I both want to be there to see the look on her face.  And I can't help but wonder -- had she spent her life in rural China...would she have ever been able to see clearly?  It's sad to think of her in that scenario. 

Oh--and there was even MORE good news.  I don't need bifocals.  And Dr. Bob has a bright, responsible 13-year old who just loves to babysit.  Life IS good.

Just like Grandma

Hannah's new thing is putting together puzzles with Grandma. 

sick day

Hannah's got a cold so we're having a sick day.  Which means she gets to stay in her jammies, watch movies all day (her favorite place to do that is in the basement in her Hello Kitty sleeping bag).  She's got her box of Kleenex, her cup full of goldfish and a drink.  She's all set. 

I used to love sick days.  Not because I liked being sick--and trust me, you really had to be sick to stay home when I was a kid.  As in a fever or a witnessed vomiting (not a reported vomiting).  I think I just liked the peace and quiet (if it so happened that my three siblings weren't sick at the same time) and the little snacks my Mom would make for me.  It was great.

my pretty girl

She is just so much more than my DNA could produce, that's for sure. 

BNW

Brand New Woobie is here.  Thank God. 

He finally came in the mail, and we had prepped Hannah with what we thought was a reasonable story (There's a lady who thinks she found Woobie, but he was really dirty and she had to change his clothes.  She's going to send him to us.) 

He got her today and she is beyond thrilled.  He "grew up" a little bit, but the rattle is the same and she totally accepts him as her own. 

Bless her little heart, she asked me if we should "sign the adoption papers for him right away."  Because, of course, in our house that is how you build your family.  I got a piece of paper for her and she marked on it and said "now I'm going to be his Mommy for ever and ever."  I just about burst out crying.  All over this silly stuffed lamb.

So here she is with BNW.  It's a happy, snowy day here in at Casa Frijole.

the 3 year old rituals

i don't know if every 3 year old is like this but Hannah is very particular in how she does things.  Very particular. 

Giving the dogs snacks, for example.  She does not like to go in the fenced yard (probably because they are gentle but big dogs) so she goes to the gate.  But, before she goes to the gate she has to put the treats in a special cup, transfer the treats to a side pocket on her Jeep stroller, roll the stroller out there, park it next to the dogs then dole out the treats one at a time, calling each dog by name.  And she gets very upset if that routine isn't followed exactly, or if one dog is hogging the gate (usually Kirby) or if they aren't coming when she calls them by name.  I can say that my kid is weird, right?  Good thing she's cute!

the pumpkin farm

was a bust.  We got as far as the animals when Hannah decided she didn't want to do anything or go anywhere.  Even Papa's antics didn't cheer her up to the point where she was tolerable.  Uhg.  We left pumpkinless and grumpy. 

Maybe next year.

CPS family of the week

Hannah's preschool teachers asked about the "bruise" on her back last week.  They were completely appropriate, but were wondering how she hurt herself.

Hannah has Mongolian spots on her lower back, and had them around her wrists and ankles when we got her.  They are flat birthmarks common in Asian, Hispanic and African children.  But they look exactly like bruises. 

I wasn't offended or upset by their inquiry; as a matter of fact I was glad that they noticed and asked questions.  I would hate for some abuse to be going on with some poor child and have it be missed.  And as teachers I'm sure they are mandated reporters. 

Anyway, I told them what they are and we chatted a bit about them.  I told them our Pediatrician (who is the local expert on adopted children--who is also Chinese) gets calls to the ER all the time on suspected abuse cases that turn out to be Mongolian spots.  I was feeling good about being cool about things, educating where I can about different races, etc. I even printed up an article to bring to them for reference.

Then this weekend Hannah ran into an open drawer and gave herself a shiner. She's never had a black eye before but now she has a little bruising and a small cut.  Now all I can think of is what her teachers are going to think when we get to school tomorrow. 

school photo angst

It turned out nicely, considering.

The crying, the whining, the sitting on the bench so we could watch all the other boys and girls do it.  The encouragement, cajoling and even what I like to call the "Mom church voice" whispered in her ear that she was going to get her picture taken.

Everyone else got theirs back on Tuesday.  When I went in to get hers, they said "Hannah?  Ummm...those will take a few more days."

Because they had to photoshop me out of it.  She wouldn't do it unless she sat on my lap.  The photography people were wonderful, though, and got her to smile through her tears. 

Jeez, I'm glad that is over for another year.

"what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Hannah: "I just want to play with the dogs."

Mamma: "Do you want to be a doggie Doctor like Uncle Don?"

Hannah: "No Mamma.  I want to be a Doggie Nurse!"

some favorites

Here's some of my all-time favorite photos -- most are from before I was blogging so they may be new to a lot of you!

camera shy no more

I just wanted to put up this little photo storyboard from today.  I was trying to photograph a project I was doing, and she kept saying "take a picture of me, Mamma!!"

A far cry from her past camera shy-ness. 

Sometimes I look at her and I think...when did you get so grown up?!  She is so fun now.  Yesterday while we watched the Packer game she spent the day glued to Dwayne, and would jump up and down saying "yeahhhhh!!"  when he did.  She's such a funny conversationalist, and was so excited yesterday when we were putting a puzzle together..."I know what, Mamma!  Let's take turns!"  Ah, the preschool.  She's learning already.

Preschool.  Apparently she cried/whimpered for about two hours the first time she went alone.  It was down to 30 minutes the second time, and when I picked her up the third time she was busy putting her stickers on her chart and just said "oh...hi, Mamma" and continued her sticking of stickers.  She still does the "don't go" thing when I drop her off, but I just have to peel her off my leg and go.  And I'm proud that I haven't cried. 

I'm getting excited to have a baby again, but I am enjoying Hannah so much lately!!  Maybe it's that the chaos is over.  Maybe it's that I'm getting a little time to myself, to run errands or just be in a quiet house.  Maybe it's that she's less demanding in some areas (yet more demanding in different areas).  Maybe it's that she is so in love with Dwayne lately, and I love seeing them together.  But it's been really beautiful lately, and I'm very thankful. 

first day of school

She was so excited!

We had set her new Dora the Explorer alarm clock for 7:30 but she crawled into my bed to snuggle at 7:00.  Then she had to bring her new backpack (which is as big as she is, really) with Woobie tucked away in there.  We didn't have to bring Woobie out, thank goodness.  He stayed in the backpack, hung up on a peg outside the room.

We love the school, a small Lutheran School about a mile down the road.  13 students.  Strict about manners (and I saw one of the teachers lay down the law with two boys that had taken the play drills and turned them into guns...no guns/pointing things like guns/pretending to shoot other children allowed, which I really really love).  They have an optional afternoon program if we needed the afternoon to run around or work (or in our case, sleep). The whole set up seemed to be incredibly fun and rich in learning opportunities, which is just awesome!!

Hannah was a bit shy at first, not wanting to sit on the rug with the other kids and sing the morning prayer, and stayed really close to us for about 15 minutes.  Then she was off playing with the toys and the other students.  Thursday, when I leave her there by herself, might be another matter but the plan is to just peel her off my leg and go.  The teacher says that sometimes the whole room is crying!  But that's just a part of learning and adjusting and Hannah is emotionally mature enough to handle it. 

I'm so glad we have her in preschool.  I'm so glad she will have more of a chance to spend time with children her own age.  And, selfishly, I'm glad to have six hours a week to myself. 

smile

Not much today, just a few pictures of my little cutie.  When bribed with the proper thing she will make faces for the camera now. 

My friend Julie and her husband are coming over for lunch.  We were roommates in Nursing School many,many years ago.  She is in the States before taking her next post in Uganda.  She has a great photo site here if you want to see some fabulous photos from all over the world. 

this is what happens

...when the three year old wants to "do it myself!"

Of course I praised her for doing such a good job--little backward shoes and all-- and told her she looked great.  And do you know what she said?  "No, Momma, I look like a Polack." 

(Sorry, Mom, she got that from me.)

Hannah is just so much fun.  She's always on the move, doing crafts, tumbling, playing with the dogs, looking at books or coloring. 

Now I understand why people say that kids keep you young. 

**TMI potty training alert!  Anyone who can't tolerate a little potty talk avert your eyes now** 

After being completely trained with peeing on the potty for almost a year, we were still working on #2.   She never made a mess but would walk up to us and ask for a diaper so she could do her business.  She went to a quiet place, pooed and came back to us and told us she was done, and that she was ready to go back into her panties.

We have been enouraging her to go on the potty for #2 for a long time, and her answer was "no, when I'm bigger and stronger like Papa."

Then one day last week, I decided enough is enough.  No more diapers.  It took --no kidding--24 hours from when she first decided she needed to poo until she finally went on the potty.  She took no less than 20 trips to the potty, either ending with her saying "I'm going to try again later" or "no...poopy in diaper" or "but I caaaaaannnnnnntttt!!!"  The things that make her a bright child also make her a stubborn child when she thinks she is right. 

She finally went.  And in the days that followed it became no big deal for her to go #2 on the potty.   She doesn't even ask for diapers anymore.

It's all about being more stubborn than your 2 year old.

This week she also stayed dry through the night, and held it until we could get her on the potty.  She sleeps 10-12 hours at a crack, so that's pretty good.

Our next obstacle is her fear of public toilets.  No kidding, we were at an airport once and I had to reach over and grab her, pants around my ankles, to keep her from crawling under the stall to escape as she was screaming in terror.     You should have seen the looks I got when I emerged from the stall, sheepishly holding my toddler under my arm while she kicked and screamed.  I got the I wonder if that's really her kid or if she's a kidnapper type of looks.  I'm sure they ran out to the television monitors to check for an Amber Alert.

All in good time.  You can only conquor so much in one week.

baby Tiger

Dwayne took this picture of Hannah after her bath.  She is just too cute!

little Mommy

Hannah has really been into the baby doll my Mom got her last year.  She feeds her, rocks her, kisses her imaginary owies, puts her in the front of her shopping cart.  She'll even pick up one of her play cell phones and "call" her...saying "Trouble!!  I'm looking for you!!""  It's so cute to watch.  Here she is with her baby...

Mamma's little helper

Hannah loves to help me around the house.  She's good at putting things in the garbage and helping carry it outside.  She picks up her toys.  She also likes to help put the laundry in the machine and switch it to the dryer.  And the other day she sat on the counter and tore the Swiss Chard into bite-sized pieces for the curry I was making (and I didn't even have to go behind her and fix anything!). 

Here she is swiffering the floor.  Yes, she's wearing a grass skirt.  What can I say, sometimes you have to pick your battles.  And yes, we have to finish trimming out the kitchen.   Dwayne's parents are coming to spend a week here, and hopefully we'll get all these projects done soon. 

the tide has turned

We knew it would happen someday.

Dwayne's been wishing, hoping, praying for it.

Yes, it's official.  I've been replaced as Top Dog by Papa. 

She will walk up to him, pat him affectionately and say "Papa.  Best friend."  She will insist on sitting with Papa, having Papa dress her, and will follow him all over the house.  She prefers Papa's way of playing to mine. 

What do I think about this?  Well, this morning as I got to sit on the couch and drink my coffee while she insisted that only Papa could help her with her bathroom business, I thought...maybe I can enjoy this while it lasts.  Before Maggie gets here.  Before her fickle toddler mind changes again. 

They sure do look sweet together, though.  They are both sick and snot-nosed, but it's great to see them so close and into each other. 

Memory

This is going to be an epic post, so hang in there with me.  I have been thinking about this incident for a week or so, but was able to verify some things tonight that I would like to pass on.

Last week I was sorting through some digital photos and came across the video from when we were in China to adopt Hannah.  We have about 40 minutes of video which includes the time Hannah was placed in our arms (during which she was very distressed--or maybe I should say terrified-- and screamed for about 30 minutes). 

Hannah was in my lap so I thought I'd pop it in.  It's kind of jumbled and out of order, so she was looking at scenes of us in Hong Kong, on the bus coming home (with Hannah quietly drinking out of a bottle), crossing the Yangtze river, etc.  Hannah is watching intently, pointing out "Mama" "Papa" "bottle" "bus" etc. 

The video cuts to the scene where we have Hannah placed in our arms.  Let me again stress she is terrified and screaming at the top of her lungs.  Hannah in the present day immediately starts to wail in unison and cling very tightly to me.  I immediately shut off the video and soothe her.  When she has collected herself she says "more movie" and I go to take her to the Sesame Street video we recently got for her.  She says "No.  Crying Baby movie."  I'm thinking to myself...do I want to do this?  But I resume the video to after the crying to where we are playing in the hotel, traveling home, meeting the grandparents, etc.  She in entranced the entire movie, laughs at the baby playing, points to toys she still has, etc.   She usually doesn't have the attention span to watch anything for more than 20 minutes or so but she was glued to that video.

Later in the day, Dwayne was up from sleeping and I told him about what had happened and her reaction to it.  She heard us talking and started staying "Crying Baby movie" over and over.  We asked if she wanted to watch it and she said yes.  Part of me was really hesitant to do this, but I had so many questions....did she really remember that?  Did she know that the crying baby was her?  Is she horribly traumatized by her abandonment?  Can she even remember something like that when she is that young, or is she just being empathetic to the baby in the movie? 

So I set it up again, with her placed on Dwayne's lap and me sitting right next to them on the floor so I am eye level with Hannah.  We watch it.  When "the scene" comes on, I make sure she is really close to us, and we tell her the baby is sad, that the baby is a little scared but that it is alright.  A few tears squeeze out of her little eyes, but she is basically calm as she shrinks into her Papa and holds my hand (and she has Woobie beside her, of course).   What do I know about memory and trauma, but I figured if she was experiencing this all over again, she may as well do it in a safe, comfortable, loving place with lots of reassurance.

My heart was just breaking for her, as was Dwayne's.   Frankly, we didn't even know if she was really experiencing memory, or if we were projecting all this.  My mind has been swirling with these questions for almost a week, wondering.

The kicker came when that night I went to put her to bed.  At night time, we often talk about what we did that day or what we will do tomorrow.  So we were talking about our day, and out of the blue Hannah says, "Baby happy now."   My heart absolutely jumped into my throat.  I was stunned, but just repeated "that's right, honey.  Baby happy now."

I left the room and thought What??  She knows about opposites and knows the concept of happy and sad.  Again I thought, Donna, you are putting too much into this.  Stop over thinking things.

Well, tonight we were at a going-away party for a friend of ours and were chatting with Kyle (as in Lisa and Kyle who are adopting from China) and relayed that story to him.  I especially wanted to get Kyle's opinion since he is a psychologist and would know about memory and trauma and all that.  He also seems to approach life with lots of facts, and I know he has read up extensively on institutionalized children and adoption issues.  So I asked him "am I being nuts?  Do you really think what I saw is what I think I saw?'

Kyle said that absolutely she can remember that day.

Absolutely she could have been re experiencing that time, although not in how we (with adult brains) would remember and experience things.  That she probably won't remember it when she is five or six but she is close enough now to do so.   I was blown away. 

I had been really freaking out about this, and hoping we hadn't caused any issues for her.  But I don't think so.  She hasn't had any regressive or "alternative" behavior since then, and now will ask to see the "crying baby movie" and will watch it (with me by her side, always) and not cry at "the scene" or seem to be affected by it at all.  I hope my gut was right, to let her experience it again from a safe and loving place, and that it really will be okay.

As parents, your first hope for your child is that they will be happy and healthy.  It sounds so simple, doesn't it?  But when you don't spend the first year with your child, you are constantly wondering.  Did anything happen to them?  Were they hurt or hungry?  Are they carrying unseen baggage that will affect them later?  Those thoughts are with me all the time.  And I really and truly hope that Baby is happy now. 

That's all we really want for Hannah.  So for tonight I think it's true, that I need to trust what she is telling me.  The whole experience, like a lot of my feelings when it comes to Hannah's adoption, has been heartbreaking and happy at the same time. 

And exhausting.  Good night, all.   Happy Monday.

Hannah's autonomy

Frankly, she's getting a little bit bossy.

I know she is just flexing her power over her little world, and it makes her feel good at succeeding.  It started with bossing the dogs, and when she discovered they would actually listen to her (when she was armed with enough Cheerios) she was over the moon.  Now she wants to boss everything and everyone, and there are days when I am an incredible clock-watcher, wondering when it is nap time. 

Her new thing is "cookies."  We try not to have lots of sweets around and have used the word "cookies" to describe anything sweet or baked.  She only gets them at "milk and cookies" time, which is right before bed (if she's been good).  Well now she wants cookies all the time.   Sorry, kid, you're not getting cookies for a meal.  Just not going to happen. 

Then the tears, the "pweeeeeze Mommmy" and all her other techniques kick in.  It is tiring some days, because the easiest thing in the world is to just give it to her to shut her up.  I'm tempted to do that time after time.  And not just with the cookies, but with whatever bad judgment things a 2 year old can dream up. 

I compromise when I can.  Today for example: bath today=no compromise.  But yes, you can wear your grass skirt afterwords.  But you have to wear a shirt.  (Did I mention the other thing she has become extremely fond of is being "nekkin," which means naked.  She would spend the whole day in Dora the Explorer underpants and her pink sandals if she had her way.)

Sigh.

Well, she's napping now, so I think I'll take advantage and take a nice long shower and actually put on makeup and do my hair.  Things like that make me feel normal.  Maybe we'll even go out to Barnes & Noble after her nap. 

I  know that women for generations have been home with kids and didn't have the conveniences that I do:  just one child, a dishwasher, convenient foods, the Internet, etc.  I don't think I have it bad by any means, but when you are an old lady like myself and have been out working your whole life it is an adjustment to be home with a child most of the time.   I'm still adjusting 16 months after getting her home. 

Dwayne and I always say "cute goes a long way in this house."  It's very true today.   

"STOP. LICKING. ME. NOW!"

Hannah said her first full sentence today.  It was directed at Kirby, our 6 month old puppy, and was accompanied by a finger-wagging.  It was also the first time I noticed her using the word "me" to refer to herself. 

She is starting to combine her words in a logical manner, and to tag "please" on the end of her sentences when she wants something.  It's so interesting to watch her put it all together, and she picks up new words every day.  I know I sound like one of those helicopter Moms but I just want to watch her as she learns new things every day.  Between spending time with Hannah, and hanging out here in our new place, I never want to leave the house.  Or at least leave Cedar Crest.  I can get all of our basics here in this little village, and I like that.  Our local grocery store, which I figured was going to be a baloney and dog chow kind of place is actually a little bit of  a fancy place where I can get Panko, Buffalo meat, Thai coconut milk, organic produce  and a great bottle of wine.   And dog chow. 

Papa and Hannah found another snake today in the front yard.  Thank God, this one was small (about a foot) and she was really interested in it, and we looked at it for a long time.  It was another King snake, but this one was actually kind of cute.

Speaking of milestones, we went shopping on Monday and found a Big Girl bed for Hannah.  Actually, we got two really cute twin beds that can be made into bunk beds.  Hannah climbed right on the ladder and got in the top one in the store without hesitation, which surprised me.  The "top" bed has a full rail on the back side, and a partial rail on the front side, so we won't have to purchase a separate rail, we'll just use this one for her now.  Dwayne is afraid of her rolling out of bed (you should have seen him secure the perimeter when she was sleeping on a queen bed in our hotel in Las Vegas!).  The beds won't be delivered until after Sept. 1st, so we have time to talk it up. 

Hannah's other thing is counting.  She can count up to eight without prompting.  Whether or not she fully understands it is still up in the air.

Pool fun

I'll get off my snake kick and post some fun photos from a few days ago.  Jean got Hannah this really cool pool at Target...it has spraying water and a slide and is super colorful!  Hannah, being the cautious girl that she is, entered it with some help from Mommy and was soon splashing, kicking and learning how to drink from the fountain. 

Good times.

surviving 2

Hannah is having one of those weeks where I hope we both live through her being two. 

Her battle this week---not wanting to sit at the table for meals.  I'll admit that I have fault in occasionally eating in the living room with her in her small chair and me sitting on a pillow around the coffee table.  Maybe it happens twice a week.  Out of 21 meals, it isn't a lot but it's obviously enough that she now thinks that is the cool place to be.

So this morning at breakfast, she doesn't want to sit at the table.  So she sits there and cries.  Dwayne and I ignore her for a few minutes, encourage her to try her food.  No dice.  So she gets taken out of her chair without eating.  She goes to her room, screams for a few minutes and ends up happily playing in there for awhile.  I join her, we read some stories, and do some finger painting.  I think she's back to "normal."  Whatever that is.

Lunchtime, the same thing, but by this time she is hungry, so after seeing that the pitiful display she is putting on isn't going anywhere, she digs in and eats her food.

Well, we now have a no eating in the living room, ever rule until further notice.  I always thought it was disgusting when children are allowed to get out of their seats at dinner and wander around the house.  And the screaming and crying?  Not a fan of that, either.

I have been working a lot the last 10 days or so, so  I am tired, and my patience is in pretty short supply when I'm tired. 

I am working tonight, and am actually looking forward to it. 

I need to go take a nap.

Cow collar and other Hannahisms

As Hannah is learning to speak, she has her own words for things as most children do.  We do not speak baby talk to her and prefer her to use the proper word for something when possible.  Frankly it makes it easier on all of us if we can communicate in a consistent manner. 

Hannah does have her own words for things, however.  Some are mispronunciations.  Some are twisted logic.  Most are just plain funny.

So here are some of Hannah's alternative vocabulary:

Melmo--diaper.  Her Pampers have Elmo on them, you see.  She's still using diapers for night time.

Big goo--Big Girl

Bowee--a bow or clip for her hair

Doe-wahhh--Dora (the explorer)  This refers to her Dora cup that she likes to drink from, not her Dora dolls.

Cow collar--cauliflower (her new favorite vegetable)

Ha--yes (no idea where this came from)

Birby--Kirby, her puppy

Pants--are underpants, not regular pants or shorts

Bling--a fancy bowee.  She got this one from Jean.

Reese!--release.  It's for the dogs to release the ball they just fetched.

I'm sure there are more that I will think of later.  It's just fun listening to her learn new things.  She is beyond just naming things with her vocabulary and will anticipate things, ask for things and command the dogs.

When I tell her it's time for a nap in 10 minutes, she'll say "timer."  We set the timer for 10 minutes and when it goes off she'll say "night, night!" and go right to her crib.

She will command the dogs "sit" "down" "out" (this one is accompanied by mad pointing and yelling...she wants them out of her sandbox) and "release."  Lots of the times she will listen to her, too.

The big thing (for me, anyway) was to get her to use the word "help" rather than just sit there and whine or cry when she wanted something or needed help.  It has been huge in helping us all have a whine-free day.  Huge. 

contemplating the sprinkler

Hannah spends a few minutes sizing up the situation before going forward.  She is, after all,  a cautious girl by nature. 

What fun!!!!

photo day

I'm off for a quick nap before work tonight so I'll just post some fun photos from yesterday...

All about Hannah

II think it's time for a random things about Hannah post.  Grandparents, this one's for you!!

• Is 25 1/5 pounds and 33 1/2 inches. 
• Had been fully potty-trained (except for diapers at night) until we moved here.  Then it was part-time.  Now she asks for diapers all the time.  I think because she spends so much time outside, it is more convenient for her to wear a diaper rather than disturb her play time and use the potty.  Oh, well...two years old was kind of early for this stuff anyway.
• Loves to wear things in her hair.  She will ask for "boweee" (bows) every morning when she gets dressed, and likes to pick them herself.
• Speaking of picking things for herself, her new favorite word is "PICK!!!!!"  She wants to be in charge of everything around her--such 2 year old behavior-- and insists on picking her clothes, breakfast cereal, cups, spoons, bowls, whatever.  I let her pick everything within reason.  I always decide on her meals (having a toddler make decisions about that is bad news) but she can always pick her fruit and plate, things like that. 
• She is very interested in taking care of the dogs.  Always wants to feed and water them.  She plays fetch with Bogart.  The cat, not so much.  But she loves the dogs!
• New favorite foods: mangoes, breakfast cereal (whole grain chex or shredded wheat), yogurt, peanut butter and honey, grilled chicken, cole slaw, carrots.
• New favorite toys: her sand-digging tools, Dora doll, finger paints, play dough, crayons, coloring books and stickers
• Her speech has really taken off in the past few weeks.  We started insisting that she "use her words" when she was indicating she wanted something by pointing or whining.  After a few days of shock on her part, realizing we weren't going to anticipate her every need anymore, she decided to communicate verbally.  And what a difference!!  She will say "want" "please" or just name the item she wants.  She is also into repeating everything we say, which gave Jean and I quite a chuckle as we were watching and discussing a Law & Order episode and Hannah repeated the word "hooker".  Ooops.
• She is starting to say her colors and seems to prefer purple and  blue.  She will take the crayon out of the box and say it's name while she colors.
• She is a very emotionally in-tune child.  If one of us stubs a toe or bangs our head on something, she will immediately come over, want to look at it and kiss it.  It's so sweet.
• One of her new words is "Packer" (as in Green Bay Packers).  Papa is so proud.
• A concept we have been working with her to understand is help.  As in "Hannah, do you need help?"  She will now find herself in a tight spot and ask for help rather than just sitting there crying in frustration.  It makes life better for all of us.

fun on a cloudy day

We had a day this week that was overcast, drizzly and cold.  Since we couldn't go outside and play, which is our usual  routine, we busted out the finger paints Hannah got for her birthday.  She didn't get at first that it was okay to purposefully get dirty, but she soon caught on and created several masterpieces. 

feeling nostalgic

A year ago we were in China trying to get our precious baby to smile. 

I made a layout of those photos today.  What a sad, sweet little face!! 

Notice Woobie tightly clutched in her hands.  She didn't let him go for six months!  And last week she helped Mamma "give Woobie a bath" in the washing machine, although she kept a close eye on the dryer waiting for him to come out!

Family Day

Today is the one year anniversary of the day we became a forever family.  One year ago we held a squalling, inconsolable baby as her world turned upside down.  We were nervous, first time parents who prayed that this child would some day look us in the eye without crying.  The thought that she might someday love us was too far down the road to even hope for.

So much has changed since then.  She has gone from a bewildered and grieving baby into an exuberant and loving toddler.  Dwayne is the Papa Bear personified.  I can't remember what it was like before I had her. 

So here is Miss Hannah MengLi on May 16, 2005:

And here she is on Mother's day, enjoying her bath:

It's amazing what a little love can do.